Signs of the Times, Issue No. 134 - 12/07/10

The end is near.

Greetings to one and all. This is Aaron and um... holy crap, I just finished one of my classes. One down, three to go. The end is very near, indeed. Topics to be discussed: The end of an era, things I won't miss, things I will miss, another college conspiracy, and the Nose Wax II. On we go!

This is a weird, weird feeling. It's all coming to an end. On Thursday, I'll finish up my final college class. Then next week I have two finals - one on Wednesday morning and one on Friday morning. Immediately following my final on Friday, I'll head over to K-UTE to do my final, abbreviated radio show, and then I'll be done for good! It's hard to believe that the time is actually here. It's like looking forward to turning 16 and learning how to drive - you think it will never come, but then it does and it all seems like a dream. What's up next for the man once known as A-Town? Not a clue. I'll have to get a job, obviously, but with my career path, nothing is guaranteed in this economy full of layoffs and automated playlists. So what are my options? On one hand, potential job opportunities might take out out of state, and on the other hand, you might find me working at the local Super Duper Mart when January rolls around. This is just a really weird feeling. I can't imagine life without school. I can't imagine Sunday nights without homework. I hate doing homework on the blessed Sabbath, but the way things turn out, I usually find it hard to avoid. I can't imagine actually being able to enjoy a Sunday with my family without having to camp out with my laptop down in the Bachelor Cave. I can't imagine life without finals and ten-page papers and staying up late only to get up early the next morning. This whole concept is just blowing my mind away. What lies in store for me now? No. Idea. And I couldn't be more excited about it. This truly is a momentous occasion - the end of a chapter, some might say - in my life. Bring on the future.

'Bout time.

**QUESTION TIME!!**

Q. "Dear Aaron,

Congratulations about finishing up school. U da man. Hey, what are some things you won't miss about school once you're done?"

Just Curious,

- The Junior Mounties

A. Thanks for asking, guys. It's been a while since I've heard from you! (SALUTE!) Hmmm... what are five things I won't miss about school?

1. Trying to sleep on TRAX. I don't know what happened, but it got progressively less comfortable to do as time went on. Maybe it was because I stopped taking TRAX in the "wee hours" when nobody else was on the train with me, so I couldn't sprawl out anymore. Maybe it's because during my first semester at the U, I had to wake up at 4:00 in the morning every single day, so I naturally just zonked out and didn't care how comfortable it was. (Oh my gosh, those were the days... it seems so long ago now!) But now I just can't find a comfortable position to fall asleep in. I'll fall asleep fro a few minutes, but wake up with aching shoulders and a sore neck. It's miserable. Won't be missing that at all.

2. Homework. Like I said, I can't imagine life without it. But the great thing will be that, now that I'm done, if I want to research something, it will be because I want to research it! If I read a book, it's because I want to read it. No more of this I'm-only-reading-it-because-I-have-to business. That takes all the fun out of it. Long gone are the days of having to go back and reread stuff because I stopped paying attention three pages ago, but my eyes kept moving. What will I do with my evenings now??

3. Stupid social norms. I've documented the ridiculous behavior of people at the U. I'm sure it's this way at many other schools, as well. There are just certain unwritten rules. Thou shalt not sit right next to thy classmate. Thou shalt leave at least one seat in between each classmate. Thou shalt avoid eye contact whilst walking amongst thy fellow undergraduates. Thou shalt always look for a wedding ring on the left hand of an attractive member of the opposite gender before opening thy mouth and attempting to make conversation, for thou shalt not converse with thy neighbor's spouse. Thou shalt always look for tattoos, strange piercings, or any other unattractive quality of an attractive member of the opposite gender before opening thy mouth and attempting to make conversation, for surely they shall smite thee with the rod of their mouth if they find out thy religious affiliation. Thou shalt not sit next to a fellow TRAX passenger, though the train be crowded and the seat be free, for an empty seat is better than an awkward conversation. Thou shalt insert thy earbuds for thine iPod and pull out thy texting machine, as to avoid unintentional contact with a fellow TRAX passenger. This crap is ridiculous and I won't miss it at all.

4. The diet. For months, I have had either Pop Tarts (on the go, mind you) or an instant breakfast drink in the morning and two granola bars for lunch. I've been thrifty lately and for the last week I've had THREE - count 'em, THREE - granola bars for lunch... But seriously, I'm sick of granola bars.

5. Weird professors. Let's see. I've had a professor that wore tighter pants than any man ever should. I've had a professor that swore more than the poser tough guys in the class (and that's quite a lot, mind you). My Mass Comm Law professor... I don't even know how to describe that guy... but he's crazy and intentionally tries to dress like a forest ranger every day. I'm not making that up. He told us that on the second day of class. The list goes on and on, but you already know most of it and I won't bore you with the rest. Needless to say, there are a lot of things that I won't be missing here in a few days.

Q. "Dear Aaron,

Do you have depression?"

Just Curious,

- The Junior Mounties

A. What?? Um... (SALUTE!!) Seriously, I don't know why people think that. But I guess I'll give you a list of five things that I will miss about school... if I can come up with that many reasons. Let's see...

1. The fashion show. When I worked at a movie theater back in like 2002ish, I had a co-worker who would just sit there and laugh on occasion. I asked him what was so funny once and he told me that coming to work was like a fashion show every day. It was true. And so it was with my experience in school. I've never seen so much spandex in my life - and this is coming from a guy who admittedly once loved pro wrestling. Bright, neon yellow spandex. Wow. That girl was crazy. Every day was an adventure, nay, a veritable visual spectacle. I didn't even know that some of these things were possible, not to mention plausible. In a world of men, women, and children, I never knew I'd miss the day when I really had no idea what age, race, or gender someone was. Long live "Male, Female, or Both?"!!

2. Elective credits. I really hated some of the classes I had to take this semester, mostly because they were the ones I couldn't get into as a junior and I was required to take all the crappy classes simultaneously. However, looking back at it, I had some really fun classes. I learned a ton from the legend that is Mr. Dan Bammes in my radio journalism class at the U. In fact, he loved one of my projects so much that he featured it in KUER's "Best Student-Produced Stories" show last December and continues to use it as an example of excellence in his classes this year. I learned how to freakin' swing dance in the spring - and I actually enjoyed it, surprisingly enough! Basketball was a fun class this semester, but bowling was perhaps the best of all. It nearly doubled my bowling average and helped me bowl a 193, enough to finally beat my mom in the Turkey Bowl. There are, believe it or not, some classes that I'll miss.

3. The radio. Because I'm graduating, I won't be able to be on K-UTE next semester. This is the home stretch for A-Town. I think it hit me a little bit during my show last week, but I'm really going to miss this stuff. Jobs in radio are few and far between and even if I did somehow find a job, it wouldn't even be close to the capacity that I'm currently operating. I'd be back to slave mode until I work long enough in the company for them to give me my big break. I've started to browse around for some kind of equipment that would help me potentially run my own show from the basement or something, but we'll see how it goes. I'll miss being on the radio.

4. Um... Still thinking.

5. Actually, yeah. That's about all I'm going to miss about school. Crazy fashion, cool classes, and the radio.

Speaking of the University of Utah, I guess what goes around comes around. After I raved about Boise State losing one game, the Utes will be playing them in their bowl game on December 22nd. I was pretty confident that we could have beaten the Broncos the way we were playing at the beginning of the season, but ever since the Utes flipped the switch to "off" against TCU, I'm pretty worried about it. Worried enough, in fact, to not buy a ticket to the game because I can't bring myself to spend that much time and money on a potential blowout loss. I'm expecting the Utes to lose. We're going into the Vegas Bowl as major underdogs, so I'm not going to be devastated if we don't win. But, the thing is, I don't think we could have won with Jordan Wynn - and Jordan Wynn is out with a "shoulder injury." If there's any way we can beat these guys, it's with my man, Terrance Cain. Give him a months of taking every snap and he'll be ready to go... I hope... Now I say Wynn is out with a "shoulder injury" because I think it's a conspiracy. I'm not saying he's not hurt because he might be. But just like Riley Nelson's "shoulder injury" took him out of the BYU QB controversy, taking Bronco Mendenhall off the hook for having to make a decision, I think Wynn's "shoulder injury" takes the Utes off the hook if we lose. We'd just be able to blame our first bowl game loss in ten years on the fact that our starting QB wasn't playing. Brilliant, really. I hate it, but that's what will happen. Just watch. If the Utes lose, everyone will just say, "Oh, who cares? We would have beaten them if we had Jordan Wynn." Mark my words. Regardless, go Utes!! Stick it to the Boise State Donkeys.

Beat Boise!

Scott Aylett and I had one of our bi-weekly morning chats this morning and we ended up focusing on Blu-ray, 3D TV, and the future of cinematography. When the conversation turned to the dollar theater, Scott brought up something that has confused me for years.Why do they sell pickles at movie theaters? And why are they so expensive?? That's P.M.U.!! Seriously, who wants a pickle? "Hmm... I'm really enjoying this movie. I wish I had a pickle." Weird.

And on the topic of weird things, as some of you Facebookers out there might have noticed, I took Amy and Austin to get a nose wax on Saturday. Ah, good times, indeed. I'm breathing as clearly as ever and I've got the video to prove it. Check out "Video Exploits #11: The Nose Wax II" on Facebook for a more... detailed description of our little adventure. It had been a year since my last Video Exploit and, you know what? I miss those things. Now that I'll be considerably less occupied in my spare time, I think I'd like to make more of them. Actually, I'll make another one before the end of the month. Head over to the blog site and vote for one of the new polls and help me decide which video to make next.

The Game Ball this week goes to Antoine Dodson's Reggie Wayne, who, in a losing effort, caught six passes for 200 yards and two TDs - a whopping total of 63.00 fantasy points for Harper Anderson's squad. Chris Johnson bombed yet again for me and my chances of being this year's fantasy football champion are looking pretty slim at this point. Oh well. Can't win them all, I guess...

Isn't this guy like 60 years old by now?

The Shoutout of the Week goes to my brother Cody. His birthday is on Monday. His 16th birthday. Oh my gosh. Heaven help us.

The Christmas season is right around the corner. This means many good things for "Signs of the Times." In the next couple weeks, you'll be getting an Issue in rhyme, the Year in Review, and another glorious Christmas card. Who would you like to see featured on this year's card? Head to the blog site and vote! Hope all is well out there in Jive City. Have a good week and don't be a stranger.

That's about it for this week...

Until next Time,

Move It! Sell It! And Leave the Door Open!

Aaron