Signs of the Times, Issue No. 18 - 07/29/08

It always seemed to happen like this when something Big was just around the corner. But maybe Newton was right, after all.


Greetings to one and all on another Tuesday afternoon. I'm going to be honest - most of the time I get very minimal response to my Newsletter nowadays. BUT last week was different. I actually got a lot of feedback, which means I probably said lots of stupid and/or inaccurate things. That's good, though. I might start to do it a little more often... Topics to be discussed today: Standing corrected, a potential career in tarot reading, a botched secret, another botched secret, making the choice of desensitizing small children or just locking them in the car for five hours, and "Signs of the Times" bids farewell to a dear friend... On we go!


I stand corrected. Apparently somebody does know what Barack Obama stands for. And that somebody is Chris Manning. In fear of making this Issue ten pages long and also as a shameless plug for the blog, check out what Chris Manning and Ammon Hatch had to say concerning the Presidential hopeful and high gas prices by looking at their comments after Issue No. 17 at www.signsofthetimesnewsletter.blogspot.com.


Contrary to popular belief, however, I do know something. Cast your minds back to Issue No. 16 when I said that Mormon superstar, Kirby Heyborn's career was over. Well... it came true! According to Channel 2 at 10:00 last night, aside from his beer commercial, Heyborn has blown it two additional times. Snickers has recently bagged a Kirby commercial after some had deemed it "homophobic." And the proverbial salt in the wound here, people, is that Heyborn is no longer the posterboy of www.DearElder.com. They are currently looking for a new face for the website. Austin and I are considering nominating each other. On behalf of everybody here at "Signs of the Times," this is Aaron saying TOLD YOU SO.


**QUESTION TIME!!**


Q. "Hey Christensen,
So I'm a bit confused. So what's up with everyone knowing you're A-Town? I thought that was a secret identity or something. I thought I would have to give you my unborn children and future wife (who ever she may be) to even get you to tell me that you're radio host name was A-Town. Did you have an amazing unmasking or a worldwide revealing that I must have missed? What's up? I really thought it was all hush, hush, and that I was under the strictest and most solemn obligation to never make known and to never utter the real identity of the infamous Snow College radio host. Tell me what's up."
- Uncle Gardner

A. Honestly, I had totally forgotten about this. Unbeknownst to most of my Loyal A-Towners our there, for the first part of my mission I attempted to keep my pre-mission life a secret. I didn't really like talking about myself or my past and didn't really open up to anybody except for very close friends (Elder Gardner included). This led to many people thinking I was homesick or depressed and kept them from opening up to me as well. I wasn't shy. I just didn't want to talk about it. The cat was notoriously let out of the bag when I was transferred to Raleigh the first time, which eventually led to the emergence and evolution of the "A-Town" and "Frank-Town" nerd characters which occasionally appeared in our Zone Leader workshops during my second stint in the Blessed Land later on in my mission.


Q. "I've got a question for you Aaron. I've recently been watching The Office and I love the mocumentary feel to it. When can we expect a sequal to the hit documentary "The Big Ticket"? Is it in the making? Any spoils you could provide?"
Con affetto,
- James Scott Aylett

A. It looks like I'm just running out of secrets to keep now, huh Scott? This is, perhaps, the "Biggest" secret of them all, if you know what I mean. But the rumors are true - the time has come! As the members of professional wrestling's greatest tag team return home from afar, they are again reuniting to film the long-awaited sequel to the best pro wrestling mockumentary in history. However, with every joyous homecoming comes an equally emotional farewell. Coming soon to a computer screen near you - take a look at the never-before-seen theatrical trailer to the tentatively titled "The Big Ticket 2" and bid farewell to one of lucha libre's most beloved heroes... The Bigger Ticket - coming this week to www.facebook.com.



Q. "Ok! Ya se lo que piensas de Wall-E... Supe que fuiste a cine! ¿Cuál viste? El lunes yo fui a ver "The Dark Knight." Me pareció buena, pero ¿tú que piensas? ¿Ya la viste? ¿Que te pareció?"
- Arianna Quinto

A. Thank you for the first ever Spanish Question in Newsletter history. Wow. We're really breaking down the proverbial wall now. Anyway, I know I'm going to make somebody mad with what I'm about to say... So... Here we go. I had heard quite a bit about "The Dark Knight" in the last two weeks. Several people sent me text messages telling me that I had to see it because it was "soooo good." But I had also overheard from several sources that the movie should have been rated R. Austin and I saw the movie yesterday and this is all I have to say to everybody out there - Everyone just CALM DOWN! All of you! Was it a good movie? Yes. Did I enjoy it? Yes. I thought Heath Ledger was fantastic, regardless of his death. I personally believe that Ledger and the movie are both getting over-hyped and over-publicized due to Ledger's untimely passing, but, as I said, I thought he was great as the Joker. But am I about to go "become a fan" of Heath Ledger on Facebook like everybody else? Am I about to jump on the Brokeback Bandwagon? Freak no. Was it the best movie I have ever seen? No. Did the movie deserve to be rated R? Definitely not. Don't get me wrong, there is a good amount of violence in the movie and it appropriately earned its PG-13 rating. That's how I feel about it - Don't take little kids to go see it. And I don't think it would be good to send a bunch of 13-year-olds to by themselves, either. But um, parents, you're smart. Use your heads. It's not rated R, but is definitely not for little kids, either. There was no blood whatsoever and the usage of profanity can be counted on one hand. People were seriously making such a big deal about the rating that I felt bad going into the theater. I felt that the movie was going to demoralize me. Now, twenty-four hours later, all of that seems like a joke. I thought the movie wasn't that bad. Don't even give me the guilt trip for saying that. But if you must, you know where to find me. Oh yeah - and did the movie seem like it was five hours long? Heck yeah.



Now it's time for the Shoutout of the Week. This week it goes to quite probably the most frequent recipient in the history of Shoutouts, the one, the only Austin C. Christensen. Austin is taking off one week from today and we here at "Signs of the Times" couldn't be more proud of the little guy. Austin is, as mentioned previously, the most frequently recurring character in all of Newsletterdom, made his a household name, and brought smiles to hundreds of Subscribers nationwide in roughly 52 cumulative Issues. His absence will most definitely be noticed. I suppose that for now I will just need to find another partner in crime, but um, Austin, I'll probably, most likely still be around when you get back, so uh... we'll keep a spot open for you if occasion requires. Miss ya. Love ya. Let's all go have One-Dollar Five-Foot-Longs in your honor. Sniff, sniff.




Before I get too teary-eyed here, I better put a stop to this madness. Just kidding. I'm not really crying. But seriously, I probably will be next Issue when I have nobody to make fun of. Don't leave me, Austin! No! No... Go. Please go. (Muffled sobs of confusion) (Fade to black)


Until next Time (for most of us),

Move It! Sell It! And Leave the Door Open!

Aaron