You got me wrapped around your finger
Do you have to let it linger
Do you have to, do you have to
Do you have to let it linger"
Greetings to one and all from Draper, Utah, the center of the known universe. Happy Canada Day to everyone out there. Let's get straight to business tonight. Topics to be discussed: Wimbledon and things of that sort, Americana, ten reasons to love this country, crazy socks, and a couple shameless plugs. On we go!
So there I was in one of those little state emissions testing places... Dirty floor, five people working behind one counter... One of those places that only offers coffee, Coca-Cola, and water, right? The TV was on, so naturally, I took a peek. Wimbledon was on. Venus Williams versus some other chick, to be half-way more precise. Tennis is an interesting sport. I remember watching it a little bit as a little kid. I liked this guy named Michael Chang. He wasn't really that good. I think I just liked his name. That's beside the point, though. As I was saying, it's interesting, right? I don't understand how they score it. I don't understand the points system or the games/sets thing, either. The only "real" experience I have with tennis is playing "Mario Tennis" for Nintendo 64. Needless to say, I don't have very much experience at all. I have played real tennis only a handful of times, and when I say "play," I say it very loosely, for I can hardly seem to hit the ball over the net more than twice in a row. Now if that's how much trouble I have with the real sport and I believe that the video game is harder, just imagine how frustrated I would get playing that game. It is one of those games where you want to jump on the controller or punch your fist through the television monitor. It's a fun game, don't get me wrong, but I lose every time. And it's even harder on the virtual clay courts, thus making it one of the two video games in history to be harder than or equally as hard as its real-life counterpart. The other is "Paperboy."
Greetings to one and all from Draper, Utah, the center of the known universe. Happy Canada Day to everyone out there. Let's get straight to business tonight. Topics to be discussed: Wimbledon and things of that sort, Americana, ten reasons to love this country, crazy socks, and a couple shameless plugs. On we go!
So there I was in one of those little state emissions testing places... Dirty floor, five people working behind one counter... One of those places that only offers coffee, Coca-Cola, and water, right? The TV was on, so naturally, I took a peek. Wimbledon was on. Venus Williams versus some other chick, to be half-way more precise. Tennis is an interesting sport. I remember watching it a little bit as a little kid. I liked this guy named Michael Chang. He wasn't really that good. I think I just liked his name. That's beside the point, though. As I was saying, it's interesting, right? I don't understand how they score it. I don't understand the points system or the games/sets thing, either. The only "real" experience I have with tennis is playing "Mario Tennis" for Nintendo 64. Needless to say, I don't have very much experience at all. I have played real tennis only a handful of times, and when I say "play," I say it very loosely, for I can hardly seem to hit the ball over the net more than twice in a row. Now if that's how much trouble I have with the real sport and I believe that the video game is harder, just imagine how frustrated I would get playing that game. It is one of those games where you want to jump on the controller or punch your fist through the television monitor. It's a fun game, don't get me wrong, but I lose every time. And it's even harder on the virtual clay courts, thus making it one of the two video games in history to be harder than or equally as hard as its real-life counterpart. The other is "Paperboy."
I was thinking about our great country, the United States of America, recently. It is a popular theory that Benjamin Franklin desired the turkey to be our national bird instead of the eagle. Technically, the eagle is our national bird. However, after my recent thinking, I believe that the turkey should be honored as like... co-national bird. What other bird do we use more frequently, other than the chicken? (Chicken is the national bird of France, I believe, so we can't have that.) We eat turkey for Thanksgiving, one of our nation's biggest holidays. Though my mother thinks differently, I believe this is a great sign of respect for our co-national bird. We would probably eat eagles, too, but um... Nobody eats eagles. Plus, when was the last time Ben Franklin came up with a bad idea? Oh, no... Nobody wants indoor electricity. Bad idea, Benji. Bad idea. My stance is this - If Benjamin Franklin wants to fly a kite in the rain, I let him pass. If he wants me to jump, I agree. And when he says turkey, I say turkey.
Here are ten reasons why I love the United States of America (in random order):
- Old people playing chess in a park.
- Those cool swamp boats.
- Double cheeseburgers, large fries, Diet Coke.
- Tough guy Governors.
- Five dollar footlongs.
- Knowing every detail about celebrity break-ups.
- Welfare programs and tax refunds.
- The fact that Wilford Brimley is still alive.
- That announcer guy on the streetball show.
- 14-year-old mothers and 10-year-olds with cell phones.
**QUESTION TIME!!**
Q. "Dear Aaron,
Why do nurses always have such colorful socks?"
- Just Curious,
The Junior Mounties
A. (SALUTE!) First and foremost, happy Canada Day, boys. I hope you're all wearing red and playing hockey. You know, I've recently been asking myself that same question... And why do elementary school nurses always have to wear clothes with cartoon animals on them?
Q. "So hey,
How is your blog going?"
- Subscriber
A. It's going pretty well. We get a little bit of traffic every week. I feel it is a good way for Subscribers such as yourself to communicate with each other. We also have graphics, too, which is a new addition... Now you don't merely have to imagine the topics being discussed - you can see them! Check it out - http://www.signsofthetimesnewsletter.blogspot.com/!
Q. "What does 'let it linger' mean to you?"
- Austin Christensen
A. "Letting it linger" means that one must prolong a certain action, thus causing it to take longer than usual or expected. I believe you are referring to that annoying song by the Cranberries. That song lingers on for a little too long, in my opinion.
Q. "Dear Aaron,
As it is Canada Day today, we figured we'd get a little extra air time, so to speak, in this week's Issue. Have you been let down by 'Wipeout' yet?"
- Just Curious,
The Junior Mounties
A. (SALUTE!) Thanks for asking. No. No, I have not. I'm telling you - again - that in a world full of so much stress caused by jobs, friends, relationships, and our own personal humiliation, it is great that we can take one night of the week and watch other people make fools of themselves. As predicted, ABC's "Wipeout" is quality television. I have not been disappointed by it. Watching those helpless contestants bellyflop it off giant rubber balls never gets old. Then, as if that wasn't enough, directly following "Wipeout" is "I Survived a Japanese Game Show," which my family and I also thoroughly enjoy. As I said, it is just nice to sit and laugh at people dressed like flies or hooked up to a giant human crane as they try to lift up giant fluffy Panda bears. I encourge you all to take a few hours away from your mundane, stressful lives and step into the world of mindless comedy next Tuesday from 7-9 PM (MST).
Remember, you, too, may have your very own questions answered by emailing them to me at tarheelglory19@yahoo.com.
The Shoutout of the Week goes to Andrea Chapman. Because I like you. And you make me laugh. Props to you, my friend, for your astounding comments on my blog a few Issues ago.
That's about it for this week. From everyone here at "Signs of the Times,' happy Fourth of July! Go eat some turkey.
Until next Time,
Move It! Sell It! And Leave the Door Open!
Aaron
4 comments:
"Nobody wants indoor electricity. Bad idea, Benji. Bad idea."
Not to be negative, but off the top of my head, I'll have to credit indoor electricity more to Thomas Edison. Also, I think the kite thing is a myth.
As far as Thomas Edison goes, Encyclopedia Brittanica states, "Edison was the quintessential American inventor in the era of Yankee ingenuity. He began his career in 1863, in the adolescence of the telegraph industry, when virtually the only source of electricity was primitive batteries putting out a low-voltage current. Before he died, in 1931, he had played a critical role in introducing the modern age of electricity." It goes on to talk about his work with the phonograph, the light bulb, and other forms of indoor electronics. So, I suppose that indoor electricity should be credited to Edison.
According to wikipedia.org, Franklin was one of the first to discover electric currents. "In June 1752 he [Franklin] is reputed to have attached a metal key to the bottom of a dampened kite string and flown the kite in a storm-threatened sky. He observed a succession of sparks jumping from the key to the back of his hand, showing that lightning was indeed electrical in nature." Reputed is the key word there. No pun intended.
I think we're all aware of the credibility of the "Mythbusters", right? See here:http://kwc.org/mythbusters/2006/03/franklins_kite_flatulence.html
I don't know what I would do without the discovery channel...
But yeah, I'll agree that Franklin discovered currents and such. Edison put it into practice though.
And by no means do I want to put down a founding father. Ben Franklin was great.
Everybody wants to party with B-Frank. Admit it, people.
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