Signs of the Times, Issue No. 16 - 07/15/08

He was only midly bothered by the relatively creepy music box that played every time he walked down the stairs. This morning was a little cold and he went to the closet to pick out a nice cardigan for July 15th. It was a Tuesday, so it had to be a nice cardigan. Now if only he could find another pair of shoes. At last, there they were, nestled snugly into the corner of the closet. He picked them up, brushed off the dust, and took them to his favorite chair. As he sat down, he realized that he was already wearing shoes. So he slowly untied the pair already being worn and began to replace them with the closet nestlers...


Greetings to one and all. It's a beautiful day in the neighborhood, a beautiful day for a neighbor. And of all the beautiful days for neighbors, this day is a Tuesday. Topics to be discussed this Time include another crazy marriage proposal for Southern California, half-naked hopscotch, a Backstreet brawl, and alcoholics anonymous. Surely there might be something of interest going on. On we go!


If I had to choose a word for the Encarta Word of the Day, that word would be doubt. Doubt is a noun, but is also used as a verb. The verb to doubt correctly describes what many of you have been doing in the last few days. You all doubted that I would write my Newsletter this week because you doubted that I would be able to pull myself away from my new Playstation 3. I think that people believe I'm married to it now or something. Not true. Not sure if that's even physically possible. But I do, in fact, still have a life, believe it or not, and that life is very banjo-ish. That's another story all together. But while we're still on the subject, so far I am pleased with the PS3. As Austin and I have concluded, it can do pretty much everything except tie shoes and make breakfast. I have spent a lot of time downloading free game demos and have even been able to check my email with a watered-down version of an Internet browser. The 80GB PS3 also allows backwards compatibility with the Playstation 2, which was a big factor for me, thus allowing me to retain my old games. The one complaint I have about the two PS3 games that I have right now is the lack of offline multiplayer options. I can play both games online with other people, but being the "noob" that I am, I frequently get kicked out of online games for my apparent sub-par performance. So, all in all, other than Cody and me having to switch off every five or ten minutes when we want to play "together," I approve of my new so-called "spouse."


The big stir of the week is being caused by a bunch of half-naked, soon-to-be-excommunicated freaks who posed in a certain calendar about Mormon missionaries. Idiots. The good news is that my calendar idea is now only the second stupidest one on the planet. Surprisingly, this is good news! I also think this gives me all the reason in the world to go ahead with it. Once again, the gauntlet is being thrown. "A-Town's Unorthodox Sporting Calendar" is about to hit the press. Originally billed as a croquet calendar and the result of a ninth grade brain storm, it is sure to be a top seller. Hence, I am looking for twelve action photos to grace the pages of my latest and greatest mensual intercalation. Croquet, badminton, ping pong, pogo stick, yoga, NASCAR, kickball, and those stretchy rubber things are really just the tip of the unorthodox sports iceberg. Send an electronic photograph and/or an inspirational quote to tarheelglory19@yahoo.com and you - yes, YOU! - could grace the pages of the second worst calendar idea in the history of... history!




**QUESTION TIME!!**


Q. "Dear Aaron,
Let's be honest, N*SYNC or Backstreet Boys?"
Just Curious,
- The Junior Mounties

A. Good question. Controversial topic. Wouldn't expect any less. (SALUTE!) Are we talking about looks or music? N*SYNC was probably a little better looking. I'm no expert, but wasn't that Kevin Richardson guy from Backstreet Boys like 40? Who wants that? As far as music goes, Backstreet Boys are far better, in my humble opinion. Actually, just the other day, a BSB song came on the radio and I said to myself, "Other than the face that this is a boy band, this is actually a really good song." I also believe that the Backstreet Boys would win in a fight.


Submit your questions now by shooting a line over to tarheelglory19@yahoo.com.


Now comes the time of this Issue where if I ruled the world I would give advice to struggling homosapiens. Sadly, I don't rule the world, but luckily, this is my Newsletter and I can do whatever I want.

Today's subjects will be none other than LDS superstar, Kirby Heyborne, and semi-unretired geezer, Brett Favre.

Dear Brett,
Please don't. We all know what happened to Michael Jordan when he came out of retirement, don't we? Of course we don't! Because nothing happened. He changed his number, didn't win, went to the Wizards, and that's about it. Bad move, if you ask me. More of a joke than anything else. You, Brett, are too old and were past your prime five years ago. You have now alienated yourself from the Packers organization and, though the fans in Green Bay still love you right now, once you are signed by another team, they will turn on you. (Note: Karl Malone finishes career in Los Angeles.) My advice to you is to stop. Just shut up, go home, and stay home.


Dear Kirby,
I didn't think it was you. I hoped it wasn't true. But the rumors were confirmed - Congratulations on filming your first beer commercial. Bad move, if you ask me. You are the iconic face of Mormon cinematography. You have starred in nearly all major LDS films in the last five or six years and are extremely easily recognized. Remember all the crap you took for smoking fake cigarettes in "Saints and Soldiers?" Go ahead and add this to the resume, baby. "Just say no," remember? I'm sure you were pressured into it since you're such a hot commodity in Hollywood nowadays, right? Needed some extra cash, did we? What about your religion? "He who hath eternal life is rich," buck-o. I seem to remember having read that somewhere before. Lost a lot of respect for you right there, pal. I hope that in some sick twist of events they forget to cast you in the next "Singles Ward" movie. ZING!!


And finally, the Shoutout of the Week this week goes to Scott Aylett, Intercontinental Champion of the World. Great job on Sunday. Amazing talk, buddy. Welcome back. Have fun paying for gas.


That's about it for this week. Make sure to send in any unorthodox sporting pictures, Ask Questions, and check out the blog site at www.signsofthetimesnewsletter.blogspot.com.


Until next Time,

Move It! Sell It! And Leave the Door Open!

Aaron