Greetings to one and all. 'Tis I, Aaron, the best blogger in the world. So happy you could all join me on this chilly Tuesday eve. How's everybody's week? Good? Good. I just assumed that you all had good weeks. Did you like that? I always feel awkward conducting Elders Quorum on Sundays because nobody ever responds when I ask how the quorum is doing. I know it's 9:00 in the morning, but come on, guys. Play along for a second. In fairness, I actually think they're more awake at 9:00 than they were when we had church at 1:00 for two years. Wow. Where am I going with this? Oh yeah. You had a good week. Nice to know. Great. All right. Moving right along. Topics to be discussed tonight: the admission we all knew was coming, the best way to wake up on Tuesday, my budding desire to dress like an Eskimo, the sad state of the NFL playoffs, my new study plan, and a few other weird thoughts I had throughout the day today. On we go!
**QUESTION TIME!!**
Q. "Dear Aaron,
Great Newsletter last week! Who knew that you were such a positive person?? Wow. We're still in shock. When are you planning on publishing more words of wisdom like you did last Issue with the whole 'Culture of Awesomeness' stuff?"
Just Curious,
- The Junior Mounties
A. (SALUTE!) Thanks, guys. Thanks for reading and thanks for the feedback. I've been totally overwhelmed with the amount of positive feedback from last week's Newsletter. Yes, believe it or not, I'm not totally a bitter jerk that hates women and the rest of the world. Every once in a while, I put my fingers to the keyboard and the result is golden. Again, thanks to everybody who read and commented. You know, I was working on another advice blog for this week, but I just don't think it's ready to go this Tuesday. I'll revise it and keep working on it and hope to publish it on an upcoming Tuesday. Sorry for the delay, but hopefully it will be worth the wait!
Well said.
Here's a Question for you - you know all those contests for soft drinks where they guarantee that there is one winner under every four Sprite lids? Does that mean if you bought four Sprites, you'd win at least once? I doubt it. The other thing is that cliche phrase, "No purchase necessary." What does that even mean? Does that mean I could steal Sprite and still qualify to win? No purchase necessary, right??
The Boo Box this week features former all-American hero, Lance Armstrong, who finally admitted to using performance-enhancing drugs during his record-setting reign over the world of professional cycling. As disappointing as that is, in and of itself, what is more idiotic to me is the need that Mr. Armstrong had to make his announcement on "Oprah," of all places. What? Was he intending to only make his announcement to stay-at-home moms or something? Obviously, this is a self-serving, selfish move by somebody that's desperate to cling onto their final minutes of fame. He's lost all his endorsements and, despite the hundreds of thousands of dollars he's raised for cancer research, his "LIVESTRONG" campaign is becoming a laughing stock as of late, so Lancey found himself one more opportunity to make some big bucks in a national spotlight by seeking out that world-renown investigative journalist, Oprah Winfrey. On a somewhat-related note, why does America worship Oprah? What did she do to become who she is today? She's a nice lady with lots of important friends and a lot of money, but why are we making these earth-shattering announcement on her show and not "60 Minutes" or something like that. Plus, I thought she retired like two years ago. Am I wrong? Anyway, Lance, you're despicable. You disgust me. Everyone together now - BOOOOOO!!
"I am not a crook!" he says.
I woke up this morning and I Felt Good About Myself. And do you know why? Because it was Tuesday. Do you know why else? The Utah Jazz played the so-called "world champion" Miami Heat in Salt Lake City last night. We've had some classic victories over LeBron James and have even beaten Miami a time or two in recent memory, but we got blown out in Florida earlier on this season and I headed into the game last night with low expectations and fully anticipating a major beatdown. We had a shaky start to the game, digging an early hole and finding ourselves down double digits in the first quarter. After a quick burst of offense, the Jazz took the lead to wrap up the first quarter and never looked back - at some points extending their lead to upwards of 21 points. It's always fun to watch the world-beaters struggle, especially when it's your team that's making them look foolish, so last night was a great night. LeBron led a late surge in the fourth quarter, as he always does, but the Heat could never retake the lead. The Jazz ended up with a seven-point victory, which garnered them one whopping highlight on ESPN.com. If you must know, the story was mostly focused on LeBron's quest for 20,000 points, which he didn't accomplish during his team's loss, but ESPN, for some reason, still felt the need to show clips of Miami making shots while struggling through a 10-point deficit. Unbelievable. So, the moral of the story is that, if for no other reason, you should Feel Good About Yourself this Tuesday because the beloved Utah Jazz were able to pull out an impressive underdog victory last night over the most hated team in the Association right here in the friendly confines of "The Solution." It was basketball at its finest, ladies and gentlemen, and you've gotta love it, baby!!
Jazz win.
Speaking of beating the heat, it is FREEZING outside, by the way. Holy heck. I can't ever remember it being this cold - ever. It's to the point where I try to avoid going outside at all costs, even to the extent that I try avoiding any doors or windows in my house, unless it's to take a look at the massive icicles that are forming off of the frozen rain gutter. At least those are cool. But seriously. It's so cold outside. I can't take much more of this.
If Eskimos did exist, I'd want to be one.
Why is it that Redbox always sends out their codes for free rentals on the most inconvenient days of the month? They used to send it out on a set day of the month so you knew when to expect it. That was good for my Examiner DVD reviewing gig because I could plan my month around the free rental. Now they always send it to me on Tuesdays or Sundays or some other day when I'm totally busy so I never get a chance to use them. Maybe they're doing that on purpose so you can'tuse the free code and you have to go out and pay for the rental. That makes sense, I guess, but it's still stupid. Well guess what, Redbox? There hasn't been anything worth paying my own money for renting at your kiosks in like seven months, so... so there! Yeah.
The NFL playoffs have gotten to the point where I don't particularly care for any of the four remaining teams. I was hoping Denver or Seattle would make it to the Super Bowl this year, but... *sniff*... *sob*... Anyway, now I guess I'll be cheering for whoever makes it out of the NFC (San Francisco or Atlanta), but I don't really like either of those teams, so maybe I'll just cast lots or something. Normally I'd be ok with the 49ers doing well, but they did dirt to my home dog, Alex Smith, so I hope they burn. I hope you burn, Jim Harbaugh, my ex-favorite quarterback from the mid-90s! I'm tired of the same teams going to the Super Bowl year after year, so I was happy to see Green Bay get knocked out and I was ecstatic when I realized that the boring New York Giants didn't even make it to the Wild Card round. I'm also tired of watching the New England Patriots lose in the Super Bowl. Seems like they're always there, finding new and innovative ways to choke in the big game year after year. I think that this year, for a change, we'll be subjected to watch the Patriots win the Super Bowl, instead, so... There's that.
For those of you that haven't heard, I have started doing a new gospel study plan for 2013. It is, perhaps, my most complex New Year's Resolution of all time. Typically, I have studied the gospel by book. For instance, I would read the Book of Mormon from start to finish, like a book, then I'd read Doctrine and Covenants from start to finish, then I'd read the New Testament from start to finish, cover to cover. That's how I've always done it. For 2013, however, I am studying by topic, which is something I have found difficult to do in the past. I sat down with a calendar a couple weeks ago and plotted out each week for the entire year, assigning one gospel topic for each week, starting with January 1 and ending with December 31. I have already studied service and confidence/courage and am currently in the midst of my third topic - patience. I have really enjoyed the study plan so far and I have learned a ton from the things I have read. The nice thing about studying in this way is that it is very open-ended and could, hypothetically, be studied by 20 different people in 20 different ways. No two people would have the same study plan each night, unless they coordinated what they planned to read. I will typically just hop on LDS.org and search for the topic, then find a talk that seems interesting and read it. I have also based nights of study on one verse of scripture (i.e. Joshua 1:9), then used the Gospel Citation Index app on my iPad to find a talk where that scripture was quoted. That app has also pointed me to several different talks by general authorities that I wouldn't have found otherwise, including a talk from a Young Women's conference and a talk from Ezra Taft Benson in 1950. It's awesome. I look forward to studying every night and, as opposed to nights where I would sleepily open to D&C 4 and zip through it before I drifted to sleep, I have found myself having to stop my study after 45 minutes so I don't end up going on even longer. I truly believe that this gospel study plan is innovative, revolutionary, and can change my life as I stay dedicated to it. Tonight, I will complete my 15th consecutive night of study and I honestly look forward to the next 350 nights, as well. If any of you are interested in joining me in the journey, let me know. I can hook you up with some topics, whether you want to test it out and see what it's like for one week, one month, or for the remainder of the year. I think that having a group of people studying "together," so to speak, would be even more fascinating because we could get together and compare what we had learned. Let me know if you want to try it out. And if not, well, I won't be that surprised. Your loss.
The Shoutout of the Week goes to my mom. She's turning the big, well, uh, actually, I have no idea how old my parents are. She'd probably like to refer to it as the 30th anniversary of her 20-something-th birthday. So... happy birthday to you, Mom. You're my most Loyal Subscriber and the "PG" nature of the Newsletter is largely your doing. I've tried to keep it clean for you! (Not that it would be that much different otherwise, but... you know. Just looking out for your best interests.) I hope you have a great birthday on Saturday and that you can do something awesome with the family. Oh, and by the way - Next year, I'm taking back what is rightfully mine - the fantasy football championship!!
We have to go back!!
That's about it for this week, kiddos. Hope you have a lovely Tuesday evening and that you're all keeping away from doors and windows. It's cold out there. Now, if you'll excuse me, I've got to have this lady inject me with my daily dose of, um, medicine. Right. It's just medicine. Does anybody have Oprah's phone number, by the way? I've got a couple things I'd like to run past her.
Until next Time,
Move It. Sell It. And Leave the Door Open.
Aaron
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