Signs of the Times, Issue No. 148 - 03/15/11

For Gondor!!

Greetings to one and all. Let's get this show on the road, shall we? Topics to be discussed today: Spud Racer, the first mistake I have ever made, Uncle A-Town: Ladies Man, and the protector of Japan. On we go!

'Twas quite an eventful week for me and all the excitement started up on Wednesday night as I attended my first Potato Derby. Yes, a Potato Derby. It was like a Pinewood Derby, but with potatoes. Sounded weird, but it actually turned out to be pretty sweet. Perhaps you've seen my pictures on Facebook. I went to the event with my friend and recent convert to the Newsletter, Kim Andersen. We decided to combine our efforts and race one spud together. Time was allotted for participants to carve up and decorate their potatoes and Kim and I thought our potato would look good with a star protruding from the top. We got to work and eventually popped out a particularly pretty potato - in fact, it would later earn us the "Best Pre-pared" award for the most attractive design. Several test runs and one broken wheel later, we were ready to go. Right off the bat, the racer that would come to be known as "Aaron Kim" found its arch-nemesis - the duo of Austin and Amy, who deftly Sharpied "BEAT AARON KIM" on the side of their potato. But it was to no avail as Aaron Kim and their newly renamed car, the "Asian Star," was racking up record time after record time, setting a course record and earning a spot in the championship round in the process. The two final heats in the competition would prove to be a mere bump in the victory path and, at the end of the night, Kim and I had won the award for fastest car and got to take home a box of garlic mashed potatoes.

#winning

I must clear up something I said in a previous Issue. The Question was posed to me whether the Jazz should tank the season or continue trying to make the playoffs. I said that Minnesota owns our first round draft pick for next year, which is true, what I failed to recognize, however, is that the draft pick is lottery-protected. So, if the Jazz fail to make the playoffs (which they very well might), the would conceivably have two lottery picks in the upcoming draft. I still hope the Jazz make the playoffs, just for morale's sake, though I'm sure many BYU fans would love to see us miss the playoffs, get a high lottery pick, and draft Jimmer. Anyway, just thought I'd point that out. I'm sure that one person out there is very happy to see that I messed up, though I won't name names...

Hope you enjoyed that. I've never messed up before.

Speaking of basketball, March Madness starts up this week. I, for one, am excited for this year's college tournament and I plan on watching as many games as I can get my hands on, so to speak. I filled out my bracket yesterday afternoon and, to be quite honest, I don't feel good about it at all. So the Question is this: Do I go back and rearrange some of my picks or do I keep it the same and keep my fingers crossed that this year's bracket gets as messed up as last year's did? Unfortunately, that's all I'm going to say about it at this point. More analysis and the revelation of my picks will surely come next week once the tournament has started up and Cody can't copy my predictions.

The biggest news from last week came just hours after the fabled Potato Derby. My older brother Adam had called my mom and they had been talking for quite a while. As I am not as frequent an eavesdropper as I used to be as a child, I didn't know what they were talking about. When the conversation ended, my mom hung up and then announced, "Kathryn (my pregnant sister-in-law) is in the hospital. The baby might be coming." This came as quite the shock to all of us since the baby wasn't due until the first or second week of April. Sure enough, at 11:47 the next day, Joshua Adam Christensen was born. The tale of the tape expounded that Joshua was 18" long and weighed 6 lb 1 oz, which is pretty good for a baby that was five weeks early. If you haven't seen the pictures or the slideshow that I posted on Facebook, check them out. This guy's a little cutie... and I WANT HIM, DANG IT!!! I want the baby!! I don't think I was really even that excited about this whole deal until we got to the hospital. But then I laid eyes on the little guy and.... DAHHHHHHHH!!!! I want the baby!!! But, of course, I can't have him. What I can do is give him the Shoutout of the Week. That's something I know I would have loved to get during the first week of my illustrious life. In fact, I'd go as far to say that Joshua will be the first infant in the history of the world to receive the Shoutout of the Week. Dang. What a lucky kid. Now I just need him to come visit me so I can ensure that his first word is "A-Town." I swear he tried to say it a couple times at the hospital the other day.

Look at the little guy!!

Do you know what's messed up, though? For years now, I have apparently been scaring girls merely by insinuating that I might be interested in being in a relationship with them. That's the truth - the very thought of being my girlfriend or, Heaven forbid, future spouse is enough to make some girls run for the hills or erase me from their lives. I'm not entirely sure why that is. Obviously, if I knew what my problem was, I'd fix it. BUT but but.......... Then last week as soon as I post pictures of me holding a baby, my profile EXPLODES with comments and "likes". For instance, three single girls "liked" my current profile picture. Five single girls "liked" the same picture in my Winter photo album. Several others commented on another photo of Joshua and me, saying things such as "You would make a great papa!" I won't go into detail about what at least two girls said to me in text messages. (Mom and Dad, don't ask. I won't tell you.) I don't get it. The thought of dating me makes girls sick, but the ladies love the sight of me holding a baby. I don't get it, but um... That's P.M.U.!! Anyway, as somewhat of a continuation of the Shoutout of the Week, thank you, nephew, for making more of a ladies man than I could ever do on my own.

The crazy dreams have kept coming every single night lately. I'm not sure what is causing them and I can't really tell if I like them or not. I love them because they're awesome, but I hate them because I have a hard time falling asleep at night. The most intense dream I had during the past seven days would have to be the dream where I was protecting post-disaster Japan by wielding the sword of justice in their behalf. It was like a Lord of the Rings-type movie with a bunch of like... samurai guys shooting arrows at me as I ran through a forest. I would deflect their shots with my sword, then eliminate them shortly thereafter. From what I can recall, there were several others fighting with me, but I was clearly the leader of the defending army. The dream was kind of short, but it felt like I was part of a movie trailer or something - running toward the camera in slow motion while letting out a war cry with a look of raw emotion on my face and my longsword held upright. Ah... it was good. I felt like a champion. And then I woke up and realized that I'm still unemployed and have no friends.

That is pretty much the face I was making.

That is all for this week. Like that awesome dream, all good things must come to an end... and they inevitably do. But have no fear - I'll be back next week.

Until next Time,

Move It! Sell It! And Leave the Door Open!

Aaron