Signs of the Times, Issue No. 132 - 11/23/10

You got the moisture on your head!

Greetings to one and all. This is Aaron and here is another Issue of "Signs of the Times" for your reading pleasure/displeasure. Well, it has been another crazy week and there is, as always, plenty to whine about, so let's get on with it. Topics to be discussed today: my 24th birthday, the storm of the century??, the end of an era, Rivalry Week in the Christensen home, and my thoughts on Harry Potter 7. On we go!

First of all, I had a great birthday. I have many of you to thank for that. Thank you to more than 100 of you who texted, called, or posted a message for me to read on Facebook or Twitter. I have felt for a long time that I annoy most of you on a daily basis, essentially begging you hide me from your news feed, block my emails, and hate me 364 days out of the year, but at least in 2010 I felt loved by most of you for one day. My ice cold heart almost thawed for a second there and I have all of you to thank for it.

The storm is coming. A blizzard warning has been issued for many parts of the state for the next few days and it's time to grab your 72-hour kits, pack all the children in your mini van and head for the hills. "Head for the hills, Aaron?" you ask. Yes. Get out of town, people. We've been extremely blessed this calendar year with some pretty good weather and the first big snow of the fall came just the other day (and not in July), so the chances are that many of our so-called neighbors out there have forgotten how to drive in the elements. I lived in North Carolina for a couple years, as many of you know, and it only snowed one time while I was there. January 31, 2007. It snowed like half an inch, the roads froze, and people flipped. Nobody dared leave their house until like three in the afternoon when the sun finally came out. That's how it's going to be here, but people aren't afraid of the snow. They'll leave their houses because they think they remember how to steer and pump their brakes at the same time. Not to mention that there are a bunch of new 16-year-old drivers who have never driven in snow before... It's a dangerous place out there, people, so I urge you again to pack up your belongings and get out of town before the storm hits. Meet me in the mountains at fourteen-hundred hours. Finish reading the Newsletter and then get out of town.

The storms is coming... Maybe.

I know what all of you are thinking - "Where are the flashlights??" But the other thing you're thinking is how I managed not to commit suicide when Brandy was eliminated from "Dancing with the Stars" last Tuesday. Am I upset about it? Oh, furious! Are you kidding me? Bristol? Palin? She SUCKS!! I can dance better than that! Let me get this straight: Brandy has been at the top of the leaderboard for the majority of the last two months, barely slipping up at all, while her competitors are either no good or are having mental/physical breakdowns every single week. Bristol frickin' Palin was in the bottom two on the brink of extinction seven out of the nine weeks... and Bristol moves on to the finals?? Sickening. Absolutely a travesty in the world of "reality" television. You know what the problem was? In an effort to prove my psychic powers in the least-biased way possible, I refrain from voting for my prediction (in this case, Brandy and Maks; in other seasons, Donny and Evan) more than once or maybe twice per season. Maybe if I had rallied the proverbial troops like Sarah Palin has undoubtedly been doing, Brandy would have moved on and Bristol or Kyle would have been laid thankfully and mercifully to rest weeks ago. Let's see... Bristol Palin is a horrible dancer, oftentimes reminiscent of Kate Gosselin from last season - stiff as a board, uninteresting, and NOT a "star." Kyle Massey has apparently been entertaining (I don't like him and his partner is cross-eyed and trashy), but isn't a very good dancer, either. And then there's Jennifer Grey, who the judges have been pulling for and pretty much begging people to vote for from the beginning. "Wah wahhhh, I'm 50 years old and my body can't take it anymore! I want my body to do more than it physically can..." Shut up, Jennifer. Did you ever hear Buzz Aldrin or Florence Henderson complain about their age? Not once. Not only have you placed yourself in the "pity vote" situation, but have also unsuccessfully tried to pass yourself off as a cougar, which is stupid, too. Did I watch the first half of the finale last night? You bet I didn't. Did I vote? Heck no. But if I would have, I would have voted for Bristol. I hope she wins so this season seems like a joke - a testament to the politics involved in the flawed, corrupt voting system. (I think this is an appropriate place to ask those in agreement to Boo with me. Everyone together now - BOOOOOO!!) Though I got my prediction wrong for the second (consecutive) time out of my five-season prediction career, this proves me right yet again. Just like last season, this isn't a dancing competition. This is an exhibition to showcase people who can't dance, but boost ratings (i.e., Gosselin and Palin); people who can't dance, but are deemed "cute" by the women who watch the program (i.e., Kyle), and people that the judges want America to vote for because their partner is Derek Hough (i.e., Nicole Scherzinger and Jennifer Grey). Some may say that I have fallen from grace; that I'm no longer talented in the art of prediction. The official record book may say that I am now 3-2, three out of five... But I consider myself undefeated. I ran into a couple bumps in the road and my predictions were unexpectedly bounced in the last two seasons. "Foul!" I cry. I have been robbed twice and I consider myself a champion. But unfortunately, the time has come for me to bow out, gracefully and respectfully. My two-and-a-half year fling with "Dancing with the Stars"... is over.

Guess what? Nobody likes you!

It's Rivalry Week in Utah and there are sporting events aplenty to be had at the Christensen household this week.

First, we discuss the most recently-developed rivalry - "The BasketBowl." The Madden Bowl, which we'll discuss shortly, had to be suspended for four years due to back-to-back LDS missions by Austin and me, so to not necessarily replace it, but to do something else to pass the years, my youngest brother, Cody, and I have started playing a game of basketball with the NBA 2K series each Thanksgiving Day. We've played for two years now and I believe I'm undefeated thus far. I want Cody to do well. I really do. But the boy has got a thing or two to learn. He plays like the Orlando Magic, in many aspects. He lives by the three and dies by the three. He'll shoot three pointers until the cows come home - and judging by the number of cows that have ever been to my house, it looks like he'll continue shooting for quite some time. He'll get hot every once in a while and give me a run for my virtual money, but there are some points where he ignores my advice to stop shooting from five feet behind the line and goes ice cold from the field. We'll play again this weekend and I expect to bring home my third consecutive BasketBowl trophy, but who knows? Maybe the Codeman will get lucky.

Cody's going down.

The Madden Bowl. The second-longest-standing Thanksgiving tradition at my house, next to eating food. Austin and I started playing Madden every year since the first Madden game for Nintendo 64 in 1997 - the game that didn't even have official NFL licensing, so the Patriots were called "Foxboro." That stuff was old school. Neither of us knew how to catch the ball and I ended up beating Austin in Madden Bowl I. Since then, it's been all downhill from there. I think - and Austin, correct me if I'm wrong - that Austin has won every single year since then... and he's cocky about it and runs up the score, too. It's miserable. I finally beat him one year back in like 2002. I was the Dolphins and I pulled out a nail biter, beating Austin by maybe a field goal or a single touchdown. Austin begged me to go best-of-three and I was feeling confident, so I accepted. Needless to say, he beat me twice in a row and claimed the victory for that Thanksgiving. I think my Mom thinks this is just a silly tradition, but I take this thing seriously... and I'm pretty worried about this Thursday's game. Of all the years in Madden Bowl history, I should win this time because Austin hasn't played Madden in a couple years. In fact, I beat him soundly when he first returned from his mission a couple months ago. But now he's had a couple months to play his NCAA football game, which is pretty similar to the Madden games, so he's not as rusty as I hoped he would be. I decided to start practicing a little bit yesterday and it wasn't good. Not too good at all. I went 1-2, losing to the likes of the Houston Texans after two Drew Brees interceptions and multiple (controversial) fumbles and the Philadelphia Eagles with Kevin Kolb at the helm. Not a good sign. I did, however, manage to knock off the Chiefs using the Ravens, but as for which team I'll be using on Thursday, I remain uncertain. Something new this year will be the inclusion of Twitter. If you really have nothing else to do with your life, you'll be able to follow the Madden Bowl on the first ever "MaddenCast." Follow Austin and me on Twitter - @atownmania and @badgerbadger630 to get our input on this holiday's proceedings, statistics, and other miscellaneous banter.

I'm going down.

Now on to the rivalry that really counts - BYU versus Utah at Rice-Eccles Stadium this Saturday afternoon. Obviously it isn't going to be as much of a blowout win for the Utes as we thought it was going to be a few weeks ago. Let's not get too excited, BYU fans - you're beating the same teams that Utah absolutely demolished at the beginning of the season, so that's not much to brag about. It's all about perspective. The Utes' two losses have humbled Utah fans a little bit, but the Utes aren't a bad team. Overrated at number five? Yeah, probably a little bit. Or maybe TCU is really just "that good." It's like the Utes just flipped a switch against TCU and Notre Dame and forgot how to play football or something. I wanted Jordan Wynn benched both of those weeks, but he actually had a good game against San Diego State on Saturday. That was a fun game to watch. I was worried about our secondary in the first half. They got burned play after play, just like our two ugly losses, but the defense stepped it up in the second half to get the win and to get the Utes some much-needed momentum going into the rivalry game. Let's be honest - as much fun as destroying BYU would be on Saturday, I actually wanted BYU to have a good team this year so it would be a good game in late November. It would be a lot more fun to have BYU choke in the fourth quarter than to have them just not show up. It's going to be a close game, I think. (Hmm... I remember saying the same thing before the TCU game...) It will be interesting to see what the atmosphere will be at this game compared to the bowl game atmosphere of the TCU game. This game isn't for a conference championship or a BCS bid. This is purely for pride. It's the last "rivalry" game in the Mountain West Conference and it's the last last-game-of-the-season matchup for the foreseeable future - perhaps ever. I think the Utes will pull it out. I think Utah is simply a better team overall. Wynn will hopefully play like normal and not like a sissy. Our receivers are fantastic if they get good passes. I think the Utes have a better offensive line than anyone in the conference and I think that Coach Whittingham is one of the best coaches in the nation. Home field advantage will be big in this game, too. And, on top of that, I recently saw some BYU fans at their last game chanting, "WE WANT U-TAH! WE WANT U-TAH!" That's about the dumbest thing you could possibly say. Every time Jazz fans say, "Bring on the Lakers!!", the Lakers come to town and stomp on us. Never, ever say "We want Utah!" or "We want BYU!" Pride before the fall... Utah by five in regulation.

Our gang it is the jolliest that you have ever seen.

This week's Fantasy Football Game Ball goes, regrettably, to Buffalo wideout Steve Johnson of the notorious Christensen Crush. Johnson had 8 catches for 137 yards and 3 TD for 51.70 fantasy points - a remarkable outing for any wide receiver... But the big news in the league this week is that the A-Town Assassins are mounting an offensive, passing the Red Devils by a point and a half for third place in the standings after having spent most of the season in sixth place. Here come the Assassins!!

That's a fine waiting to happen.

My family and I saw the newest blockbuster this weekend: "Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows: Part 1." I shall now impart my wisdom upon you in The Week in Review. I thought the movie was good. I actually really enjoyed it. This movie is intense. Tons of action, lots of violence, blood, and death. Definitely the darkest of the Potter films to date, which is impressive, considering that I watched the sixth movie again last week and had forgotten how eerie some of that stuff was. From the perspective of someone who recently watched all the HP movies in the last month and a half, the acting is considerably better than some of the older films. Ron and the Weasley twins are hilarious as ever. Alan Rickman puts on a good performance as the apparently-evil Severus Snape and will surely play a larger part in the eighth movie when it comes out in July. That will be fun to watch. As far as the so-called nudity goes, the one scene that everyone was making a fuss about, it's not really nudity. You don't see anything. But it's weird and unnecessary, especially considering that Harry and Hermione are fully clothed just seconds before and the exact same scene could have been done fully clothed. Many complaints have been made about how the movie ends. Apparently moviegoers are upset that things don't get resolved and the ending "made them mad." Um... They do realize that this is a two-part movie, right? They have read the books, right? I thought the ending was just about what it should have been. The movie is meant to set everything up for the second half, which comes out next year. The people who are upset with this movie are the same people who were upset with the ending of the sixth movie. Um... Go read the books again. That's how it ends. I'll get off my soapbox now and give "Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows: Part 1" 9 out of 10. I liked it. If you don't like what I'm saying, why don't you untie your tongue and you get out here and talk, huh?

I liked it. Sue me.

The Shoutout of the Week goes to Kristin Manning, who has "liked" more of my Facebook posts than all the rest of you combined.

Still no sign of snow, but the wind is a killer. Everybody bundle up and head with me to the hills!!

Until next Time,

Move It. Sell It. And Leave the Door Open.

Aaron